Six Years After My First Son’s Death
At my younger son’s baseball practice,
a dad talks about his two boys—
all that energy and wrestling at bedtime.
I know I should use the old bread
when I make my son a sandwich,
but I open the new.
It’s wasteful.
Like the hours I spent
pumping milk for my dead son.
Memories of my two boys
flash like reflections
off windshields.
The two of them jumping on the bed,
shrieking with joy,
until they broke the lamp—
shards of glass.
Light
wasted all over the floor.
Chanel Brenner
Sugar House Review
Six Years After My First Son’s Death
Chanel Brenner
what it means
A mother has lost a son, but you knew that from the title. A mother resents a man whose sons are still alive. Is it really wasteful to have poured time, love, and energy into someone who then dies? Yeah, I don’t think she really thinks so, but these lines
Like the hours I spent
pumping milk for my dead son.
feel like a flash of anger at the universe for taking her son.
That “waste” that shows up three different ways in the poem is giving me shivers. What does it mean that the light has been wasted? It is a wrong that cannot be corrected.
Anger. Resentment. The beauty of brothers.
why I like it
Well, you know I have an affinity for plain spoken poems, grounded in the real with strong imagery to carry the emotions. That pretty much describes this poem.
The tiny detail of wasting the bread to give this remaining son the very very best breaks my heart along with the self-castigation for doing so.
craft
How do you write about the unspeakable? This poem tackles the death of a son. I’m not sure I could write about such a topic without overwhelming myself and the reader with emotion. This poem uses small moments and symbols to carry the emotions a bit more quietly while still being devastating.
I’ve recently been to a title workshop, and I’m fascinated by this one. It sets the scene, creates an expectation, does tons of emotional work, so the poem can zoom in on little details.